This is one of those things I find fairly easy, but is not apparent to everyone, so I thought Iโd document how I went about it last time in San Francisco, so I can point people to it the next time Iโm asked
๐ง๐น;๐ฑ๐ฟ - research events, go to them, talk to people, hang out, make friends
Sounds easy enough, but what does that actually look like in practice?
Hereโs a diary, followed by q&a
Also listed a bunch of resources I found for SF ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ
๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ถ๐๐ฐ๐ผ
Wednesday 6th - Monday 11th, March 2024
๐ช๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐
After landing & checking into my hotel, I got ready for the evening. I picked the area I was staying in by checking out the neighbourhood guide on startertosf.guide & decided I wanted to stay in Hayes Valley/Alamo Square. Figured I could try hanging out in a local coffee shop, but didnโt actually end up doing this, as too many other options came up, but youโll find plans, plans, & yet more plans (redundancy) is a feature of this.
The event I was going to that evening had a WhatsApp group that I joined in advance, & introduced myself there. Join all the WhatsApp groups. You can always mute, archive, or leave any you donโt find helpful or too noisy after a while, but people share things/events in them which can be super useful.
I found this event in advance of my trip by checking out lu.ma/sf. You can subscribe to the main feed for a few cities there, & if you find any good event organisers, also subscribe to their feed.
The event was lu.ma/foundersbay10.ย I talked to a bunch of people there. The most frequent contact exchanged was LinkedIn or sometimes WhatsApp, some other cities are of course less LinkedIn focused. Have the apps you need on your phone, & if you donโt already, learn how to show/scan the qr codes, for easier swapping. Iโve also seen some keep their qr code in printed form on the back of their phone so itโs always ready/requires no battery.
My goal at most events is to try & find 1 or 2 people I click with & would actually be proper friends with (& then making them so). This doesnโt happen on every occasion. However, I also donโt want to monopolise any one person's time, you donโt have to become friends all in one night, & youโre both there to meet numerous people. Swap contacts & follow up. You ideally want to spend some 1-on-1 or 2-on-1 time together later - get coffee/juice, go for a walk, etc. so you can converse more in depth than at a networking evening. If visiting, you want to get to a point where youโre both really happy to hang out again when youโre in town & catch up. I would of course help set any of my new friends up if they visit London.
Tell people what youโre up to, & they often help you by making you aware of other groups & events, or inviting you to things. On this occasion, amongst others, I met Mariane Bekker (who also curates event lists for sf - you can subscribe to her newsletter); R who told me about cerebralvalley.ai where I could find more events, & followed up with me to arrange coffee, to tell me more about his startup that I might find useful; & O who I clicked with especially well, & invited me to hang out at the WeWork at 44 Montgomery the next day, as itโs one of the busiest WeWorks in the city, & I could meet more people.
๐ง๐ต๐๐ฟ๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐
Headed to Montgomery 44 to see O again, & meet more people, especially around lunch when their laptops are downed, & itโs easier to start a conversation. Chatted with WI, K, A, SE, WA & others. WI put me onto a party that was happening Saturday evening, I got to share lu.ma/sf with A, as she was also quite new & didnโt know about it yet, I found I had some useful knowledge as a skincare geek I could share with SE for his startup, & K could also do some market research with me as someone who has done 75hard & other challenges. Being helpful where you can is obvious, but important.
I was waitlisted for a couple of events on Thursday evening - one found via Michelle Fangโs Twitter (she does great curated event lists for sf) & another shared in a WhatsApp group. I tried DMing the organisers of the one I most wanted to go to on Twitter, but to no avail. I found another party via cerebralvalley.ai but decided in the end I wanted to be more low key that evening, so suggested dinner with O who's friend B also joined.
For those who like food recs, Mensho Tokyo SF has a line outside, but excellent ramen, worth the wait. It is in Tenderloin, which I knew from the neighbourhood guide was a place to largely avoid, but I felt ok going there accompanied in the early evening. Apparently because of the cheaper rent, there are some great restaurants there.
๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐
I have a club in London that has a reciprocal club there, so I visited the University Club of San Francisco in Nob Hill & found some people co-working in the library. Got chatting to N as he was packing up, & he told me about the party at the club the following evening (which was especially useful as the party I had already signed up to for Saturday night had sent a cancellation notice that morning, & besides this was a black tie gala, & I adore formal events), & also a park visit him & his wife were going to on the weekend (which I ended up not having time for).
Then headed back to Montgomery 44 to see people again, & O told me about a founders improv event happening that night. I already had an event planned I found on Luma, but the timings meant I figured I could squeeze both in. R had to cancel his coffee with me, so we agreed to zoom once Iโm back in London to chat about his startup.
I followed up with N to get the link for the party tickets, & found the online ticket sales had finished. I wanted to call, but was having issues with my phone, so sent an email to the club, & also through the event website 'contact the organisers' form, as I didnโt know what would be checked first. As it was Friday afternoon by this point, & I really wanted to go, I found a way to place a call to the club & found my request was already in process. They later reopened the ticket link so I could buy one. Success! If you find something you want to go to, but itโs closed or youโre waitlisted, try to find a way. It may not always result in success like my Thursday evening attempts, but thereโs no need to accept the first answer as the final one, & if Iโd just decided โoh well, I missed the deadline, if only Iโdโve heard about it soonerโ I would not have had the epic Saturday night I had.
I then went to the Founders, Inc./Greg Isenberg event, which as well as the great fireside chat, I spoke to a bunch of people afterwards, including running into WA again (who Iโd met at WeWork the previous day) & talking more about insurance and climate change, & also ST who put me onto Spice Kingโs parties (subscribe to the Luma calendar) & how heโd blagged into an event at the Modernist Club, that he thought was cool & recommended to check out.
Finally I went to the Improv event, which YouTeam put on, & whilst Iโd done improv comedy before, this was much more gentle & lower stakes, as it was more facilitating connection among founders, than actors testing their comedy chops. Super fun, & I especially clicked with S there, so we swapped contacts.
๐ฆ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐
I normally run with the Founders Running Club in London, but they have branches around the world, so in the morning I joined the San Francisco one for a 5k run along the Embarcadero (they also have a 10k group, & in sf they change location each month). They also have a useful WhatsApp group I joined several weeks in advance as I was already in the community. I chatted with F whilst running, & a number of others afterwards, including T & C who held a spirited Sheets vs Excel debate which had me cracking up (look, I figured Iโd get on with sf people for a reason, lol). T seemed to have led a really interesting life, so we swapped contacts.
Went back to my hotel to shower, then went to hang out with O & B again for the afternoon. We met in Alamo Square & had a bit of a tour as B had lived in the area for many years so could tell me lots of history. Then we headed to the Asian shops in Inner Richmond, & got a divine pork bun there, then went to a Korean Restaurant. Finally they dropped me back at the hotel so I could get ready for the gala.
UCSFโs 9th Annual Spring Fling, in aid of Alzheimers Association, was wonderful. Open bar, three course dinner, & dancing. Luckily I had an appropriate dress in my luggage from a party prior to the sf part of my trip. I met V there, & she had all the gossip, I also saw N again & met his wife D who was delightful. Lots of chatting, laughing, dancing, & photos in the library. As they were leaving, I wasnโt ready to wind down, so I procrastinated in the lobby while I worked out if I wanted to go on to a rave WI had messaged me about, that was a replacement for the one that got cancelled. I got chatting to J who was waiting there for friends, found we had a surprising amount of somewhat unusual life path choices in common (music, acting, entrepreneurship), so I got invited to an afterparty. Chatted some more there & eventually left with contacts swapped.
The clocks went forward, so it was 4am by the time I went to bed. I had had 3 rum & cokes, which, given Iโm a lightweight, I only drink alcohol about 4 times a year, coke a similar number, & donโt ever drink tea or coffee, meant my sleep was massively affected. I woke up without an alarm about 3 hours later, still slightly tipsy, with plenty of energy, which kept going until I started flagging around 5pm. Caffeine is powerful yโall! Use it wisely to achieve your aims, lol
๐ฆ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฎ๐
Iโd lined up a breakfast event I found on eventbrite & looked up a church to visit afterwards, but by this point Iโd met so many great new people that I wanted to put in some more individual time before I left the next day.
Started the day with S from improv who took me on a tour of some of his favourite photo spots in the city. Then I had juice on Polk Street, went for a walk & swapped life stories with T from the running club. Next up was joining S again at a Ukrainian picnic at Salesforce Park. Before heading over to Berkeley for dinner in the evening with a friend from London & KA.
๐ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฑ๐ฎ๐
Flight wasnโt until later, so I tried to set up lunch but my Hillsborough friends had gotten sick, & J from the gala had to cancel because of work meetings popping up, so I ended up just taking myself to the local Kateโs Kitchen, where the Lauren special is fun. Iโm not a foodie at all, & most meals pass without much notice for me, but sf had some options even I feel require commenting on. Then I left for the airport & slept A LOT on the plane.
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป & ๐ฑ๐ผ๐๐ป ๐๐ผ ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ต?
Not quite, lol. I help run FutureLondon.org so back to London & straight to the opening party of FutureHouse.uk, then the following day we had our event on robots. Check us out if youโre a techno-optimist in London!
๐๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ธ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ถ๐๐ฐ๐ผ ๐ฎ๐น๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐?
So Iโve visited friends who live in the bay area once before, but only went into the city to go meet one of them for lunch, & didnโt go to any events to meet new people. This time one was away, & the other two cancelled our plans to meet because they got ill, so I actually didnโt see any of them. They also arenโt connected to the tech scene in the same way, so I didnโt get any pointers of where to go/what to do. The only person I saw that I already knew was dinner on Sunday evening with a friend I know from London. Everything else I found myself or through new people.
๐ง๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐บ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐น๐ผ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ธ, ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ด๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฑ & ๐ณ๐ฎ๐๐?
No, I was only there Wednesday - Monday so I wanted to make the most of it. If youโre there longer, or are happy meeting fewer people/want to do other stuff you can certainly take your time. Meeting people was my priority.
๐๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ท๐ฒ๐ ๐น๐ฎ๐ด?
No, this was at the end of a longer trip, so thankfully I was acclimated to the timezone in advance.
๐๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐?
I am actually an introvert. I can do all the extrovert things, it just costs me a lot of energy, so I have to manage that. Doing this many extrovert things sustained for this many days is partly a product of years of practice, balanced with lots of silent alone time. Practice has also helped me get to the part where I can express the more bubbly side of my personality for new people, as opposed to just people Iโm familiar & more comfortable with. So literally the more you do of this, the better youโll get at it, just rest in between.
๐ช๐ต๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ปโ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐ป๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ, ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐๐?
Sure, sometimes thatโs the best thing to do, & especially if you have a pressing need or particular problem to solve - such as recruiting a particular kind of engineer, it can make sense. However itโs always easier to deal with a pressing need once you have a network in place, because then youโre not searching for random strangers to ask for an intro, youโre asking a friend you know for help. So try & build your network before you need it. I wanted to focus on friends first, not solutions. Thereโs always value in friends, whether they ever end up helping you professionally or not. I had fun with great people, therefore this will never be a โwastedโ or โunsuccessfulโ trip, no matter what happens in the future.
๐ช๐ต๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ปโ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฑ๐บ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐บ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐๐ถ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฝ ๐บ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ?
A very valid tactic that I didnโt use on this occasion, but would consider doing so in future.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ถ๐ณ ๐โ๐บ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ฒ๐๐ปโ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ผ๐บ๐ถ๐ป๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฒ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ณ, ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐โ๐บ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐?
The aim is still to find your people. Obviously picking a city known for stuff makes it easier, but any place sufficiently large enough will have other things going on. Some of the people I chatted to werenโt in tech at all - like the woman in fashion who I ran 5k with. Look up different interest groups online, & even if youโre not super into a particular interest, you can try it out & see the kind of people who go. What kind of event it is can be seen as secondary, as simply a filter for the kinds of people who attend. If the kind of event you want isnโt there already, start it yourself. You never know who that will draw out of the woodwork.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ปโ๐ ๐ฐ๐น๐ถ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ถ๐บ๐บ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐น๐?
That happens. It is a numbers game to an extent (though any kind of filtering will usually improve the numbers). If youโre sticking around a place, try going multiple times to things, as sometimes you just need some repeated exposure to get to know people better & develop a friendship. Expedited processes arenโt always possible. Even if youโre very warm & open, some of the best people need time sometimes.
๐ช๐ถ๐น๐น ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ๐ณ๐๐น ๐๐ผ ๐บ๐ฒ, & ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐?
If you let them know what youโre trying to do, they just might! As well as doing your best to generally friendly, helpful, & fun to be around, even if you are none of these things, your odds are increased if you are trying to do this in a place where lots of people move/go to & remember what it was like, or are currently trying to do similar. Iโve never moved to a small town with few events, & where people only have long established friendship groups. The smallest place Iโve really tried this was when I was in Playa Del Carmen for 4 months, where there is such a hub of digital nomads/ex-pats/etc, not just tourists there for a few days, that there was a lively scene of social events & people wanting to get to know new people.
๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐ ๐ด๐ฒ๐ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ผ๐น ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฐ๐น๐๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐๐๐๐ณ๐ณ?
Invited as opposed to blagging into? Start by going to the things you ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ go to, & make friends. Get introduced to their friends. Make more friends. Friends are who will ultimately invite you.
๐๐ผ๐๐ป๐๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ณ?
I live in London, so big city problems arenโt completely foreign to me. Of course San Francisco has it's own flavour though. The worst/only thing that really happened was on the BART train on my way into the city from the airport. A man moved across to sit in the seat behind me to use me as partial cover so he could take hits from his crack pipe. He also started a conversation with me, asking numerous things, including was I there for an orgy or sex party? When I said no he told me that was a pity & a shame. I was fine, but it was unsettling. Like all cities, exercise caution, & try to research & avoid the bad areas, stuff happens in good areas too though, so retain some level of vigilance.
๐จ๐ฝ๐๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ณ?
I had an absolute blast, & meeting as many interesting people in a short time as I did was a great signal to noise ratio. ๐โ๐บ ๐ด๐ผ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป ๐ถ๐บ๐บ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฒ๐ป๐๐น๐. ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐!
๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ (๐ฝ๐น๐๐ ๐ฎ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐ป-๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ) ๐๐ณ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐๐
๐๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐
Michelle Fang - great twitter thread events roundups, who also made this epic guide: startertosf.guideย
Lu.ma/sf - popular events in sf
Cerebralvalley.ai - for AI events, also have a great GenAI jobs spreadsheet
Lu.ma/genai-sf - Generative AI San Francisco and Bay Area events
Mariane Bekker - shares events on LinkedIn & via her newsletter
Kyosuke Togami - shares events on LinkedIn & via his newsletter
Garyโs Guide - more tech events
๐๐๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฏ๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐
Luma - lu.ma
Partiful - partiful.comย
Eventbrite - eventbrite.comย
Meetup - meetup.com
๐๐ผ๐๐๐
Founders Running Club - foundersrc.comย
Edu - lu.ma/u/edugiansante
Founders, Inc - lu.ma/fdotincย
YouTeam - lu.ma/calendar/cal-3yTsE3NX40lK3LHย
Spice King - lu.ma/spicekingofzanzibarย
See startertosf.guide/ for more
๐๐น๐๐ฏ๐ & ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐
WeWork 44 Montgomery - wework.com/en-GB/buildings/44-montgomery--sf-bay-area--CAย
University Club of San Francisco - uclubsf.org
Modernist - modernist.club
Shack 15 - shack15.com
๐๐ผ๐ผ๐ฑ
Mensho - mensho.com
Kateโs Kitchen - orderkateskitchen.comย ย
I think the amazing pork bun place was Wing Lee Bakery - places.singleplatform.com/wing-lee-bakery/menu
๐ง๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐
Public transport is run by two different companies, itโs easiest to get a Clipper card (clippercard.com - physical or on your phone) that works across everything (like an Oyster card in London). Even if you only use the Muni around town, you may want to get the BART further out, or to/from the airport
waymo.com/waymo-one-san-francisco - try out self driving taxis
Uber & Lyft also operate
If you drive yourself, donโt forget there are some incredibly steep hills & you should turn your wheels into the curb when parking there, & leave nothing, absolutely nothing in your car, even out of sight
How does this compound?
During my fourth week in sf I went to two birthday parties, eight dinners/lunches, two other private events, & two public ones
Literally just keep being friendly, accepting & making invitations
Keep going to some public events, or meeting friends of friends, so you can meet new people, but when someone is cool, make sure you repeatedly invest time with them to solidify the friendship